Tuesday, January 04, 2005

safe sex

i am entirely frustrated with the seductions of today. what seductions? everyone is so macho about it: “fuck buddies,” “friends with benefits.” what is that about? i am looking for one set of qualities in a friend or a buddy, and an entirely different set in a lover.

let’s be clear here: there are completely different allowances you make for friends than for lovers. your friend can bum around with you, looking nasty, mooching your cigarettes, and generally being socially unacceptable. in a friend, this is charming. you don’t have to observe the niceties with each other—you’re friends. in a lover, this would be incredibly annoying. it might even be grounds for breaking up… except that, of course, you’re not in a relationship.

a lover is in your life for one purpose alone: to get you off. where people go wrong is in supposing that this task is accomplished entirely in the bedroom. sex happens in the imagination. sex is all about testing your limits—finding out what thrills you. emotions, big emotions, are part of that.

these days, we’re all interested in safe sex—not just with condoms and birth control (which are great human developments), but with emotional safety (which is not). nobody falls in love screaming anymore. quit being such chickenshits! of course you’re not going to stay in love. of course it’s going to hurt to be rejected or to wake up and find that your Prince Charming has turned back into a frog. that’s the price you pay to ride.

before you take someone into your bed, you let them under your skin.