Friday, October 15, 2004

Action, reaction, action. Life on the inhale is a constant tickle of adrenalin that makes your ribs hurt and your spine ache. Exhale... slow, treacherous descent into melancholy stasis. s u f f o c a t ***** HA! I knew I was forgetting something. And round and round she goes.

In the moments between the end of the exhale and the beginning of the inhale, you can get lost. The moment at the end of every exhale is like a minute-by-minute reminder that we really don't know what the hell we're here for or what all this tangled-up grunting in between born and dead is actually about.

It's best to get on with breathing pretty quickly, all things considered. Those moments when the world goes pixellated are not things to share with the general public. They're even less something to be savored in private; the "moment of existential dread" could have been called "happy bunny time," but it wasn't, now, was it?

Thursday, October 14, 2004

linux is sparkly

So my friend Doug wrote an article about viruses and the law. I know shite about computers and the internet, but in cite-checking parts of Doug's article I wound up reading lots of stuff about Linux and other open-source experiments.

I'm in love. I'm in complete and total mind-fogging tongue-dragging love with the whole shebang. Linux seems like everything that actually works about capitalism, but without the money. (There is actually quite a lot of money attached to bits of the whole open-source gig, but it's apparently an afterthought.)

How can something be "capitalist" and "free" at the same time?

Contrary to popular belief, a free market doesn't necessarily entail screwing your neighbor to make a buck. Really, capitalism is just about capital: convincing people that it's in their best interest to pool resources to get a good thing going. It doesn't matter what the resources are-- the idea is that if enough individual people have a selfish interest in an investment, they'll wind up working together to make it pay off. The investment/return doesn't have to be money; any currency that has value fits in the equation. Ego's a currency, curiosity-satisfaction is a currency (hell, salt was a currency at one point, but that's a totally different story.)

It's hilarious to me that Microsoft execs have compared Linux to socialism; this really brings home the extent to which corporate America is bloated beyond any semblance of actual "free market" or "capitalist" efficiency. The theory of capitalism is basically enlightened self-interest; the theory of corporatism is "What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine." So-called capitalist champions literally no longer recognize the theory when it bites them in the pinstriped butt.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

arguing on the internet


are you having a bad day/week/life? need to take out some aggression, let off some steam?

you could go for a nice, brisk run, but that involves sweat and shortness of breath. you could visit the shooting range, but that's awfully noisy and you'll have to come up with a polite reason not to give your phone number to a guy with a mullet. (you'll have to be polite because it's a shooting range... don't let all that pent-up anger cloud your thinking.)

you could go to a bar and get plastered and come up with a really RUDE reason not to give your phone number to a guy with a mullet. that's kind of expensive, though... unless the guy with the mullet has already bought all your drinks for you. but that, frankly, is the type of lame, circa-1980 cocktease that makes me want to renounce shaving and reread Gloria Steinem. so that's no good...

but anyway, if you're anti-sweat, anti-gun, quasi-self-respecting, and poor, you can always let off steam on the internet in five easy steps.

1) find a message board. any message board will do, but this works so much better if you look for one with a strong theme:,, etc.

2) if you've properly selected your message board, pretty much everyone on the forum will consider him/herself an Expert in whatever tiny slice of reality they live in. there will be one poster who is the Head Expert on the board. hint: look for the name that appears most often (probably on every single thread). sometimes there'll be a second name that appears all the freaking time too, but that's usually just the Head Expert's Igor, who follows him/her around saying things like "i totally agree" and "you're SO right! :) :) :)"

3) pick a post. any post. doesn't matter.
disagree with the Head Expert. you don't have to be rude, just post an opinion that is different from his/hers. sit back and wait. if you're really in the mood for a rodeo, you can go around to a bunch of different threads and disagree with the H.E. repeatedly. this is really fun.

4) go have a beer and a smoke. by the time you get back, the H.E. (who lives in his mom's basement/on her boyfriend's couch and is on the internet all the goddamn time) will have seen your heresy and come blazing in with the CAPS LOCK key to set you straight.

5) type away. you can mock, yell, or (my personal favorite) be excruciatingly polite and post lots of links to other sites that back you up and show how terribly misguided the H.E. is. don't worry if you don't actually know anything about the subject. nobody's going to read your links anyway. it just makes you look like a much more reasonable, well-informed person than the Head.

the H.E. and/or the Igor will respond to you in ever-longer, ever-more-poorly-spelled posts all night long. keep going until you feel completely superior to all life on the planet. then wander off and look at internet porn.

i promise you'll feel so much better. if you don't, just rinse and repeat.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

my two baby beardies, shen lung and one-eyed jack (who isn't really one-eyed at all.)

the first

it's only funny to me.

location story... you had to be there.

oh, shit, was that my outside voice?

blogs are great because they're like a constant stream of that moment when you realize your inner monologue just went public. how uncomfortable and goofy and grand is it that now your ramblings are out there on the web for anyone with a browser and too much free time?

so... welcome to the inside of my head. i like it here. it's not very organized, and i forget to take the trash out a lot, but it's home. there's a fuzzy couch in the corner and there's usually something funny on tv. pull up a pillow and stay awhile.